Have you ever woke up feeling tired? Well lately I always wake up feeling tired. Not physically or anything – just tired of my thoughts and emotions. I have realised that I have been mad and sad for too long and it’s time I attracted some positivity into my life.
In the past few days I have been having some kind of emotions I cannot explain, they are positive and full of life. And it’s not about anyone or something I did, they are about something I don’t know and can’t even explain. I find myself smiling and laughing about things, whereas I used to be sad even when I had reasons to be joyful.
When this emotional shift came I thought it was just mood swings acting up on me, because sometimes they can be so fierce that I feel like taking over the whole world and then the next minute I don’t even feel like lifting the TV remote to switch to my favourite channel. So I told myself not to get comfortable with those emotions because they might not last, but now I realise they are still here and I am shocked but grateful at the same time.
I just wish I knew what is it I did so that I can do it everyday, or perhaps it is nothing I did but God pumping some positivity into my soul, I don’t know. Anyway, whatever it is I am going to hold on to the feeling and try to write words that will keep it alive.
I have now realised it is not about how dark your past or your present is, but you and the decision you make over every circumstance. So no matter what you are facing, you just have to choose to move on and forget about your past and all its misery. It won’t be easy moving on and what will make it harder is if you are not only moving on from your past but the things you are still going through.
When I look at my life I realise that I would have healed a long time ago but I haven’t, well not completely, because I am still surrounded by things that are breaking me down. I still go through things that make me wantate to give up on myself and hope, but because I am not alone and God is on my side – I have the strength to face it all and still wake up feeling like my future won’t be the same.
Though sometimes I just let my tears fall because I believe that crying about things shows how strong one is. Confronting and releasing pain is not an easy thing to do, hence I call myself strong because I can do both. So now I choose to be stronger – I will move from crying to facing life fiercely. I won’t let people’s words and actions determine how I feel and I will no longer cry about anything and everything.
Like I said, I have been feeling a little bit positive lately, well not completely but at least I have somehow remembered who I used to be and I just wanna be a much better version of that young optimistic woman. Things have been happening though, but I guess I am starting not to care much about what people do to me, I will just let God deal with it.
I want to be free and happy but I can’t be all of that if I still hold onto things that make me feel miserable. So from now I am going to hold on to the little bit of peace and joy I seem to be feeling and I won’t let anything or anyone, not even myself, take it from me. I choose to be free – free from pain, my past, fears, people’s opinions and everything else that makes me feel worthless.
I CHOOSE TO MOVE ON!!!